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My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.
Marriage is a threering circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
For Sale: Wedding dress, size 8. Worn once by mistake.
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: Before marriage and after marriage.
Why were hurricanes usually named after women? Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Reason Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: All the DNA is the same.
I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the checkout line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?" Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often

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